Living with Regrets

By Dan Wilson

“If only I had . . . .”

  Raise your hand if you have never completed that sentence.  I didn’t think so.  Not one of you raised your hand.  Not that I can see you, of course, but I’ve been around long enough to know that no one travels very far through life without experiencing regrets.  Sometimes they are things we’ve done and other times things we failed to do. . . .  I didn’t raise my hand either, by the way.

For me it was college.  Rather than being a time of adventure and discovery, of hope and preparation for the future, college was a time in my life of chaos and confusion.  If only I had attended a smaller college rather than a large university, I’ve often thought.  Perhaps a smaller environment would have provided clearer vision and greater focus.  If only I could do it over again.  Then again, what if I had?  What if I had attended a different school, how would I have met my lovely wife who produced our two wonderful sons who married our beautiful daughters-in-law who will soon bear our first two grandchildren?  If I had done it differently, how would I have this awesome life I have today?

“Make the most of your regrets,” advised Henry David Thoreau.  But how, we ask ourselves?  Regrets are consequences that occur from our failures and mistakes, from making the wrong choices when we’ve encountered forks in the road.  But even those wrong paths we choose may be paved with blessings, sometimes enormous ones, if we will recognize them.  It is in recognizing those blessings and expanding upon them that we make the most of our regrets.

“If only I had . . . .” is a common remark we all make from time to time.  It’s our way of imagining what might have been had we chosen a different path.  But let us not forget that regrets can only be redeemed in what we did with the choices we made, not the ones we didn’t. 

Love Yourself

Stop All Criticism - Criticism never changes a thing. Refuse to criticize yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are. Everybody changes. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, your changes are positive.

Don't Scare Yourself - Stop terrorizing yourself with your thoughts. It's a dreadful way to live. Find a mental image that gives you pleasure (mine is yellow roses), and immediately switch your scary thought to a pleasure thought.

Be Gentle And Kind And Patient - Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself as you learn the new ways of thinking. Treat yourself as you would someone you really loved.

Be Kind To Your Mind - Self hatred is only hating your own thoughts. Don't hate yourself for having the thoughts. Gently change your thoughts.

Praise Yourself - Criticism breaks down the inner spirit. Praise builds it up. Praise yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself how well you are doing with every little thing.

Support Yourself - Find ways to support yourself. Reach out to friends and allow them to help you. It is being strong to ask for help when you need it.

Be Loving To Your Negatives - Acknowledge that you created them to fulfill a need. Now, you are finding new, positive ways to fulfill those needs. So, lovingly release the old negative patterns.

Take Care Of Your Body - Learn about nutrition. What kind of fuel does your body need to have optimum energy and vitality? Learn about exercise. What kind of exercise can you enjoy? Cherish and revere the temple you live in.

Mirror Work - Look into your eyes often. Express this growing sense of love you have for yourself. Forgive yourself looking into the mirror. Talk to your parents looking into the mirror. Forgive them too. At least once a day say: "I love you, I really love you."

Love Yourself .. Do It Now - Don't wait until you get well, or lose the weight , or get the new job, or the new relationship. Begin now - and do the best you can.

 

~ Louise Hay