Other People's Opinions

"Favor and disgrace are equally problematic.

Favor lifts you up; disgrace knocks you down.

Either one depends on the opinions of others,

and causes you to depart from your center."

- - Tao Te Ching

 

I'm always amazed at how much real wisdom was

known and written a long time ago. We get so

involved in the newest technology and scientific

discoveries that we tend to think that our generation

must be really smart compared to those poor

ignorant souls of the past.

 

Well, being smart and being wise are two very

different things! There's a reason why many ancient

teachings are called "wisdom traditions" and not

"smart traditions." In my experience, smart can get

you into a lot of trouble, wisdom can keep you out.

 

The quotation from the Tao Te Ching that I have

above is over 2,600 years old, but its wisdom is timeless.

One way in which we can have a very emotionally

upsetting life is to allow our self to depend on others

for our self esteem.

 

I think that we all know that we can't let the negative

comments of others get to us. We learn from experience

to "shake it off" and go forward. But, as the Tao points

out, we need to be just as unaffected by compliments

as we are by criticism!

 

Why should that be? We all love compliments, right?

But compliments can be addictive and actually make

us more vulnerable to criticism, if we depend on them

for positive reinforcement. Because, as the Tao says,

we are depending on the opinion of others and

departing from our center. Our self esteem should rise

up out of the center of ourselves, in our confidence

that we are doing our best, and that we're just fine.

 

Compliment addiction can also distract us from our

purpose in life if we begin to do what we know will

bring compliments rather than doing what we know

is truly ours to do. Look at the lives of the people

who have really accomplished something magnificent

and you will see that they had to be indifferent to both

criticism and compliments to pursue their dream.

They stayed true to their center.

 

From a gratitude standpoint we can be equally

grateful for compliments and criticism, seeing each

as an input that we can examine and, if we choose,

use as feedback to improve. But if we use either one

to determine how we feel about ourselves, then

we're in trouble.

 

Is there anything in your life that you're not doing

because of potential criticism? Is there anything

that you are doing that you'd rather not, but you

don't want to give up the compliments? That's

something to think about.

 

~Wes Hopper~